Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
