and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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