oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
