Where did you get a picture of my penis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
