did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
