That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
