i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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