this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A+ Viking dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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