i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize