I want to have your abortion
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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