In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
