We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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