hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
