I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
