I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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