I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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