i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
