I must be too annoying 4 u.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
