you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
