No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
