he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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