I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
