my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
