if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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