Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
