Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
