Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
