his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
