We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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