We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
