Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
