Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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