The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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