A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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