Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
