He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
