Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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