Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
