She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
