if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
