mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
