Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
