I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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