All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
