remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The best revenge is premature balding
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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