We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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