theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
