You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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