I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
