Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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