I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
