I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
