So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
