it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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