Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
