pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
