also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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