I think im going to throw up on grandma
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
