I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
