some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
