peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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