I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
