I need to stop coming to work sober
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
