were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
