I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
