it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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